My Boyfriend the EMT
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Quote from the book I'm reading.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
-Codependent No More
EMT Prayer.
LORD,
Grant me the wisdom so that I may treat
those of your children that lay at my feet.
Let my hands be gentle, sure and swift
to impart to them your sacred gift.
Let me see only a patient's need
not their color, race or creed.
Help me always to be my best
even when it's on my hours rest.
Grant me the insight to understand why
patients of mine are going to die.
Let me remember that when they do
there is a wonderful life in Heaven with You.
Lord, if in the time of duty I should fall
help my family to hold their heads tall.
For it was You who decided that I should be
one of your chosen few, an EMT.
Grant me the wisdom so that I may treat
those of your children that lay at my feet.
Let my hands be gentle, sure and swift
to impart to them your sacred gift.
Let me see only a patient's need
not their color, race or creed.
Help me always to be my best
even when it's on my hours rest.
Grant me the insight to understand why
patients of mine are going to die.
Let me remember that when they do
there is a wonderful life in Heaven with You.
Lord, if in the time of duty I should fall
help my family to hold their heads tall.
For it was You who decided that I should be
one of your chosen few, an EMT.
Paramedic's Prayer!
As I perform my duty, Lord,
Whatever be the call
Help to guide and keep me safe,
From dangers big and small.
I want to serve and do my best
No matter what the scene,
I promise to keep my skills refined,
My judgment sharp and keen.
This calling to give of myself,
most do not understand,
But I stand ready all the time
to help my fellow man.
A word of thanks I might not hear,
but knowing is enough,
That I have helped just even one
To go on to live and love.
Lord, You know what lies ahead of me this day.
The calls I will be asked to respond to,
And those who find themselves in situations they
never imagined
And see no way out.
For them I humbly ask that you would speed
me on with attending angels
At my side guiding every decision and procedure
To all who plead and those who cannot, I pray to
be a Good samaritan
As they look to me for help and rescue.
Help me to save as many as I can,
And should mine be the last face they see,
I pray they will have looked into eyes
That reflected You love for them
In Jesus' Name Amen.
Dear Lord, let me receive the sick
and traumatized with an open and giving heart.
Give to my efforts success so that life may
continue, if it be your will. Without you
I cannot succeed.
Let me have no purpose except the
glorification of life.
Grant that the sick that you have
placed in my care be abundantly blessed,
and not one of them be lost due to any
neglect on my part.
Help me to overcome any temporal weakness
so that I may serve to my fullest capacity.
Let me always reach out to all in joy, compassion
and with a loving heart.
When God made paramedics, He was into His sixth day of overtime.
An angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?
A Paramedic has to be able to carry an injured person up a wet, grassy hill in the dark,
dodge stray bullets to reach a dying child unarmed,
enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch,
and not wrinkle his uniform."
"He has to be able to lift three times his own weight.
Crawl into wrecked cars with barely enough room to move,
and console a grieving mother as
he is doing CPR on a baby he knows will never breathe again."
"He has to be in top mental condition at all times,
running on no sleep, black coffee and half-eaten meals,
and he has to have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands...no way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God replied.
"It's the three pairs of eyes a medic has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
God nodded. "One pair that sees open sores as he's drawing blood,
always wondering if the patient is HIV positive."
(When he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job)
"Another pair here in the side of his head for his partner's safety.
And another pair of eyes here in front
that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say,
"You'll be alright ma'am when he knows it isn't so."
"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," God replied.
"I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound
drunk out from behind a steering wheel
without incident and feed a family of five on a private service paycheck."
The angel circled the model of the Paramedic very slowly.
"Can it think?" she asked.
"You bet", God said.
"It can tell you the symptoms of 100 illnesses;
recite drug calculations in it's sleep;
intubate, defibrillate, medicate, and continue CPR
nonstop over terrain that any doctor would fear...
and it still keeps it's sense of humor."
"This medic also has phenomenal personal control.
He can deal with a multi-victim trauma,
coax a frightened elderly person to unlock their door,
comfort a murder victim's family,
and then read in the daily paper how Paramedics were
unable to locate a house quickly enough,
allowing the person to die.
A house that had no street sign, no house numbers, no phone to call back."
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Paramedic.
"There's a leak," she pronounced.
"I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak," God replied, "It's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled up emotions,
for patients they've tried in vain to save,
for commitment to that hope
that they will make a difference in a person's chance to survive, for life."
"You're a genius!" said the angel.
God looked somber.
"I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE" He said.
Whatever be the call
Help to guide and keep me safe,
From dangers big and small.
I want to serve and do my best
No matter what the scene,
I promise to keep my skills refined,
My judgment sharp and keen.
This calling to give of myself,
most do not understand,
But I stand ready all the time
to help my fellow man.
A word of thanks I might not hear,
but knowing is enough,
That I have helped just even one
To go on to live and love.
Lord, You know what lies ahead of me this day.
The calls I will be asked to respond to,
And those who find themselves in situations they
never imagined
And see no way out.
For them I humbly ask that you would speed
me on with attending angels
At my side guiding every decision and procedure
To all who plead and those who cannot, I pray to
be a Good samaritan
As they look to me for help and rescue.
Help me to save as many as I can,
And should mine be the last face they see,
I pray they will have looked into eyes
That reflected You love for them
In Jesus' Name Amen.
Dear Lord, let me receive the sick
and traumatized with an open and giving heart.
Give to my efforts success so that life may
continue, if it be your will. Without you
I cannot succeed.
Let me have no purpose except the
glorification of life.
Grant that the sick that you have
placed in my care be abundantly blessed,
and not one of them be lost due to any
neglect on my part.
Help me to overcome any temporal weakness
so that I may serve to my fullest capacity.
Let me always reach out to all in joy, compassion
and with a loving heart.
When God made paramedics, He was into His sixth day of overtime.
An angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?
A Paramedic has to be able to carry an injured person up a wet, grassy hill in the dark,
dodge stray bullets to reach a dying child unarmed,
enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch,
and not wrinkle his uniform."
"He has to be able to lift three times his own weight.
Crawl into wrecked cars with barely enough room to move,
and console a grieving mother as
he is doing CPR on a baby he knows will never breathe again."
"He has to be in top mental condition at all times,
running on no sleep, black coffee and half-eaten meals,
and he has to have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands...no way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God replied.
"It's the three pairs of eyes a medic has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
God nodded. "One pair that sees open sores as he's drawing blood,
always wondering if the patient is HIV positive."
(When he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job)
"Another pair here in the side of his head for his partner's safety.
And another pair of eyes here in front
that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say,
"You'll be alright ma'am when he knows it isn't so."
"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," God replied.
"I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound
drunk out from behind a steering wheel
without incident and feed a family of five on a private service paycheck."
The angel circled the model of the Paramedic very slowly.
"Can it think?" she asked.
"You bet", God said.
"It can tell you the symptoms of 100 illnesses;
recite drug calculations in it's sleep;
intubate, defibrillate, medicate, and continue CPR
nonstop over terrain that any doctor would fear...
and it still keeps it's sense of humor."
"This medic also has phenomenal personal control.
He can deal with a multi-victim trauma,
coax a frightened elderly person to unlock their door,
comfort a murder victim's family,
and then read in the daily paper how Paramedics were
unable to locate a house quickly enough,
allowing the person to die.
A house that had no street sign, no house numbers, no phone to call back."
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Paramedic.
"There's a leak," she pronounced.
"I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak," God replied, "It's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled up emotions,
for patients they've tried in vain to save,
for commitment to that hope
that they will make a difference in a person's chance to survive, for life."
"You're a genius!" said the angel.
God looked somber.
"I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE" He said.
Life.
My life has been turned upside so I thought on Tuesday. This was until I started reading this book and I read some stories of other EMT girlfriends and wife's and realized what Tyler was going through. Both of these things had been a eye opener and a life changer. I have never been a person to admit the faults and take responsibility for problems that I created in my relationship until now. I have realized I have been absolutely hateful and rude to the people that mattered most in my life. I was to self-centered to notice Tyler was going through a tough time and needed someone to be there for him. I'm not a perfect person nor do I claim to be, but one things is certain that it took losing a very important person to me to realize all this. I'm not happy that we broke up but I cant say that I sad either. This break up has taught me so much about myself that I probably would have never realized if we never took this break. I think this break is very beneficial to the both of us. It gives both of us time to grow up and deal with our personal issues without having to deal with the stress of being in a relationship and also living together. Today he pointed out then when he starts paramedic school that we wont have time for each other and that it isn't fair. Going into this relationship with Tyler I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park. With his profession he deals with a lot emotional stress and also paramedic school isn't the easiest thing in the world. We are two different people who have lived different lives so of course there is going to be arguments, but they say opposites attract. I told him early that I know it going to be tough not seeing each other now that I have moved out, but in the long run if our relationship can handle paramedic school that it can handle a lot more. Paramedic school can only make us stronger. I want to be there to help him study and celebrate when he passes his test, or has a great shift at work. I want to keep encouraging him throughout his job and school. When going into this relationship I honestly didn't think we would get this far or that I would fall in love with him, but I'm so glad I did. I worry about him going through paramedic school because he isn't a great test taker and doesn't have strong study skills. Tyler is very determined to do great in school so I believe this will help him overcome his faults in school. I also asked if we could go to the homecoming game together before we broke up I was planning on surprising when I get off work and telling him to get dress so we could go. I think it would be great if we went together to bring back the fun in our relationship and its also important that we continue to see each other through the break to show each other that we are changing and that we are working through are problems. If your reading this Tyler, just know I love you and would go to the end of the world for you.
I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy <3
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I wish you could know.
I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning bedroom for trapped children at 3AM, flames rolling above your head, your palms and knees burning as you crawl, the floor sagging under your weight as the kitchen below you burns.
I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 6 in the morning as I check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late. But wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to try to save his life.
I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear, the sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see absolutely nothing in dense smoke-sensations that I've become too familiar with.
I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire "Is this A false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to call, "What is wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life-threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?"
I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces dead the beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save during the past 25 minutes. Who will never go on her first date or say the words, "I love you Mommy" again.
I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine, squad, or my personal vehicle, the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the air horn chain, as you fail to yield the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon our arrival will be, "It took you forever to get here!"
I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of teenage years from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my daughter, sister, my girlfriend or a friend? What were her parents reaction going to be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"
I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not come back from the last call.
I wish you could know how it feels dispatching officers, firefighters and EMT's out and when we call for them and our heart drops because no one answers back or to here a bone chilling 911 call of a child or wife needing assistance.
I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally, and sometimes physically, abuse us or belittle what I do, or as they express their attitudes of, "It will never happen to me.
I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain or missed meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.
I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of helping save a life or preserving someone's property, or being able to be there in time of crisis, or creating order from total chaos.
I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking, "Is Mommy okay?" Not even being able to look in his eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to say. Or to have to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy having CPR done on him as they take him away in the Medic Unit. You know all along he did not have his seat belt on. A sensation that I have become too familiar with.
Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly understand or appreciate who I am, who we are, or what our job really means to us...... I wish you could though.
I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 6 in the morning as I check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late. But wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to try to save his life.
I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear, the sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see absolutely nothing in dense smoke-sensations that I've become too familiar with.
I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire "Is this A false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to call, "What is wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life-threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?"
I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces dead the beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save during the past 25 minutes. Who will never go on her first date or say the words, "I love you Mommy" again.
I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine, squad, or my personal vehicle, the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the air horn chain, as you fail to yield the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon our arrival will be, "It took you forever to get here!"
I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of teenage years from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my daughter, sister, my girlfriend or a friend? What were her parents reaction going to be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"
I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not come back from the last call.
I wish you could know how it feels dispatching officers, firefighters and EMT's out and when we call for them and our heart drops because no one answers back or to here a bone chilling 911 call of a child or wife needing assistance.
I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally, and sometimes physically, abuse us or belittle what I do, or as they express their attitudes of, "It will never happen to me.
I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain or missed meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.
I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of helping save a life or preserving someone's property, or being able to be there in time of crisis, or creating order from total chaos.
I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking, "Is Mommy okay?" Not even being able to look in his eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to say. Or to have to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy having CPR done on him as they take him away in the Medic Unit. You know all along he did not have his seat belt on. A sensation that I have become too familiar with.
Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly understand or appreciate who I am, who we are, or what our job really means to us...... I wish you could though.
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